You’re an artist…your life is your art

March 5, 2016June 21, 2020 / chesleydohl / 7 Comments

Life isn’t difficult. We humans simply know how to make it difficult. In moments like these, a little perspective goes a loooooong way. How about this fresh way of thinking:

You’re an artist.

Your life is your art.

Create a masterpiece.

Wow! That’s the spirit! Now, you’re a kid staring at blank canvas…Where to, now?

Based on years of living, I’ve determined the obvious, yet incredibly elusive, place to begin: You gotta’ figure out what you ultimately desire out of life. What speaks to your soul? What makes your heart sing? What makes you jump out of bed every morning with a smile on your face?

HINT: Please don’t let your ultimate desire be a person. Please don’t let it be a house in Malibu. Oh boy, pursuing people and “things” is the easiest way to have your soul crushed in a hot second. People and things can be taken away in a merciless moment. Pursue that which is greater than a person or a thing–and pursue it, relentlessly. One of my favorite quotes by Albert Einstein: “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”

Purpose. Meaning. Vocation…Don’t know? Trust me, I can relate. It took decades to figure out. Moreover, once you get the “plan” aligned, then you have to figure out how to make it happen. Truth be told, it’s not a piece of cake. Nobody said you should have it all figured out at age 30. Or, even 40…We’re all on our own path and time table. You have to trust your purpose and the timing of your life. Don’t let society, your parents, your friends, your boyfriend or your ego convince you to do something your heart’s not set on. You owe it to yourself to get it figured out. All in due time. Do some soul searching and convince yourself of what you truly desire. This is the only way you’ll ever learn to trust yourself. When you know what makes your heart sing (and you will know, when you know) you’ll have no problem committing to it. This goes for everything: Career, relationship, purpose, passion, lifestyle…

Once you know what you desire out of life, the opinions of others become 100% irrelevant, because you trust in yourself. This is the ultimate liberation.

It’s easy to get caught up in the meaningless details of life: Being understood; doing what everyone else is doing; feeling loved, other’s useless opinions; being popular; attention-seeking, etc. Guess what? All distractions. Once you figure out your mission in life, you float up to an entirely different level. Everything extraneous is out of sight, out of mind. Whole new world.

Oh, and here’s another caveat with regard to creating any great masterpiece: Continual growth. Reinvent yourself. Shake it up. A true masterpiece is continually fresh, challenging and exciting. We humans innately crave growth, novelty, new experiences and challenges. Truly one of life’s few healthy cravings.

Be happy. Be free. Stay focused. Your life is literally your work of art. It’s the mark you’re leaving on the world. What an adventure! No matter where you are on your path in life, begin creating a solid foundation, today. Once you get the base established, then you can begin building, onward and upward…CREATE!

Sometimes, sleep is the answer

February 25, 2016June 21, 2020 / chesleydohl / Leave a comment

I’m not going to say anything profound, here. I’m just going to state the facts: Sleep is good. And, I love my sleep. In fact, I can’t remember a time in my life when sleep wasn’t appealing.

When I was growing up, I had a propensity to complain about being told it was “time for bed.” Oh, but once in my room, and under the covers, I never felt a bit out of place…It was always just a matter of getting there. In high school, after a rigorous day of school, extra-curricular events and athletics, sleep was a God send. Throughout college, the sleep schedule became a little haywire with new found freedom, studies, and social life. Post-college, sleep was priority 50. Now days, sleep is a simple luxury. When I can sleep in, I’m all over it. Quite frankly, it’s one of my favorite things to do (besides socializing, writing or working out). Sleep is my natural cure-all of choice.

Standing in the shower after my workout, last night, thoughts drifted to the following: “My God, I cannot even imagine what it must be like to be a mother up all night with a newborn baby…I’m about ready to die, here.” Strange the places the mind goes when you’re about ready to collapse. I purposefully stood there for a moment recounting the turn of events which delivered me to that state…(I gracefully reached the conclusion that I am getting old…but wise).

Your body is your temple.

Worship, daily.

Notes on sleep.

YOUR BODY KNOWS WHAT YOU NEED: We like to think 3 hours here, 5 hours there and 8 hours whenever we have “time” is an optimal plan. Not so. High levels of stress, emotional turmoil, physical exertion, etc. take a higher toll on the body. We need to adjust our sleep patterns, to accommodate what’s happening in life. Sometimes the body needs more time to repair itself. If you push yourself until the moment you snap, you could very well be heading towards a hot case of cancer. Sounds extreme, but it’s no joke. Bodies need breathers, like plant need water. Your body knows what you need. Listen to it.
SOCIAL MAYHEM TAKES A TOLL: There was a time in life, when I found few things more interesting and stimulating than going out; having 3-5 drinks; talking to my friends; meeting new people; laughing; seeing and being seen; dancing my ass off and then going home to pass out. I’m telling you, it was a blast and I would not change one thing. Been there. Done that. Thanks be to God, it’s no longer gratifying. I still love to socialize, but the late nights and the cocktails? No thanks. I’ll take bed at 11pm over a 2-3AM all-nighter, any day. (My body and mind thank me).
SLEEP = GRACEFUL AGING: For whatever reason, I’ve been regularly hearing, “My God, you’re like Benjamin Button. You look younger every time I see you.” For a woman of any age, it’s the ultimate compliment. But when you get to be a certain age, it becomes almost vital: “Oh, thank you! You just made my day,” I’ll say with a genuine smile. It’s a certain kind of bliss to look in the mirror and like not only what you see, but what you feel. We regain youthful energy and vibrance when we take care of ourselves, mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Be mindful about how you think and feel in body and soul. Our bodies and minds are our greatest gifts!
SLEEP = SOLITUDE: We all need time to be alone. We need time to be in our own heads. Alone time, before drifting into dreams, is an opportunity to listen to your soul. When we lay down to sleep we simply get to “be.” When we are asleep our deeper self is at work; dreams are churning and the subconscious mind is brewing. There’s a certain magic that unfolds when we’re sound asleep.

Oh, we humans are so hard on our bodies and souls. We like to say, “I’m strong enough. I can handle anything.” For the most part, this is true. We are strong. And, we can do anything we put our minds to. But, we have to know when to slow down. We have to listen to cues from the body and cues from the soul…Sometimes, sleep is the answer. Don’t be afraid to sleep. Unapologetically, embrace your sleep time.

Priorities: Mentor a child, save a pet

February 11, 2016June 21, 2020 / chesleydohl / Leave a comment

Ever notice how everyone wants to go out and rescue a dog, but nobody wants to mentor a child? We hear so much about the inhumane treatment of pets, but what about the inhumane treatment of human beings? Everyone does realize they’re directly connected, right? In other words, if we made our nation’s youth a priority, then our nation’s pets would get the treatment they deserve. This is not a stretch. This is regular, everyday, common sense thinking.

I read a statistic from the U.S. Department of Justice stating that 293,000 children in the United States are at risk of becoming victims of sex trafficking. Good grief. Can you imagine? When people go through traumatic events they have little to zero chance of living emotionally, spiritually and mentally stable lives. They are absolutely screwed from the get-go. And, it’s a vicious cycle…If you are a messed-up kid, odds are high, you’re going to be a messed-up adult.

So, what does child abuse have to do with abused, neglected pets?…(is probably the next logical question):

First off, we have our priorities backwards. Let’s make it very clear: We have a people problem, first…A pet abuse problem, second. Why do we, consistently, get everything backwards in this country? It’s disheartening, to say the least.

We have multiple issues at hand:

First off, all too often we have people in this country having children who have absolutely no business having children. We literally have kids–who don’t have a clue about their own emotional, mental and spiritual growth–raising kids. How’s a child supposed to get a fair shake in this cruel world without a role model present in the home? It’s pitiful. And then people wonder why dogs get the hell kicked out of them?

No, I don’t have any kids but anyone who pays attention in life, can figure out most anything: For one thing, a lot of females have children because they have this romantic, misguided notion that a child will make them feel love, experience love and, in turn, BE love. IT’S HIGHLY FLAWED LOGIC. Raising children is no easy task. More often than not, parents feel fear, doubt, and guilt. The stress and pressure of raising a child is endless, which ultimately puts a child at risk.

Before you up and decide to “have a kid” –like it’s that easy–please put some serious consideration into it. You’ll be doing humanity, and dogmanity, an enormous favor.

Next logical question:

Socially, why do dogs take precedence over kids in this country? Of course, it’s because dogs are easier, lower-maintenance and consistently more snuggly. Dogs don’t grow up asking questions. They don’t cost as much. And, if they cause trouble they can be locked up, accessorized with a shock collar, or firmly told “NO.” Simple stuff. Few desire to expend effort. We like the easy route. The majority would prefer a snuggly dog with the sweet puppy dog eyes, over a child who needs continual love, continual support and continual guidance; who asks continual questions and needs continual answers–what raising a child is all about.

Taking this into consideration, if you don’t have a child–then you should see about getting a dog. Pets are good starter projects. If you screw up with a dog, the world isn’t over. If you screw up with a child, your life’s destined to be a nightmare. (Just the facts, ma’am).

I don’t know what the solution is. But, I think that awareness is 90% of the battle. People seem unaware that we have a people crisis in this country. Or, our population is aware, but people refuse to acknowledge reality. Why? Because it’s too “uncomfortable.” People don’t like to acknowledge the truth because the truth hurts. (WEAK).

Here is an everyday solution we can all partake in, to get matters prioritized:

Let’s look out for our fellow man, shall we? If you are “set” then help a family in need. Offer to carpool. Let neglected kids play at your house. If you notice a child is struggling and you have any ability to help, please do so. Smile. Say hello. The simplest, kind, gesture can make all the difference in a child’s life. Our nation’s youth need to know that there is goodness in the world. It’s often the little things that go the farthest.

Basically, it comes down to this: Pets would live in happy homes if happy, emotionally and mentally stable people populated the planet. But, that isn’t the case. People who abuse pets were once children who didn’t get the love and nurturing they needed. Let’s work on fixing the root of the issue. Throw a bone to a child, not a dog.

The writing process…(it’s personal and unique)

February 8, 2016June 21, 2020 / chesleydohl / Leave a comment

“What’s it like to write a book?” is the question that was recently posed to me. It’s a great question and it deserves a great answer. The short answer was simply to say, “Hmmmm? It’s definitely a process…”

Writing is a process. A highly personal, unique, process.

With regard to my own route to writing: I haven’t read any books about writing books. I’ve never interviewed another author to learn about an approach. I’ve never sat down over coffee to discuss organizational tactics. I didn’t join a writing group…Why would I? I’m 100% certain I’m not a “formula” girl. I’m not comfortable taking another’s “canned” ideas and molding them into my own. That would be the ultimate frustration. I’d much rather start with a clean slate.

I’m of the belief that the act of writing is a different process for each of us, because we each possess a different creative mind. We each have varied habits, motivations, traits and optimal ways of learning and doing. So, naturally, it only makes sense that the writing process will be distinct to each of us…As we explore the writing process, we’re able to determine our strengths and harness them as we create. When we trust ourselves; when we follow our own creative intuition–this is the stuff of sheer genius.

That’s the “big picture” take on the writing process. Here’s more detail:

PHASE ONE: My own writing process began with thought: Continually observing, thinking, connecting dots and churning ideas. It wasn’t regular, everyday thought, either. It was a deep, never-ending, semi-annoying thought that persisted. Quite frankly, it became a freaking nightmare. At this stage in the game, you know you are destined to write a book because there’s no escaping it. It actually becomes a part of your very essence. It’s as if your very soul seeks closure. Based on my limited experience, but fairly keen insight, I believe that the initial “thought” phase is the most delicate, necessary, underrated part of the writing process. Because, in order to write ANYTHING you have to conceive it. You have to dream it. You have to imagine it. You have to envision in order to manifest. For me, this process took a concerted, diligent effort. In my opinion, this process truly differentiates the greats…

Never give up on something you can’t go a day without thinking about. -Winston Churchill

PHASE TWO: The mandatory “thinking part” gets all the dots connected, and ultimately provides the confidence to write the book. Now, you have to focus and chart a course of action…What are you writing about, exactly? What style of writing will you use? Who is your audience? Are you passionate enough about your subject matter that you will be able to write thousands of words without becoming bored to tears (for me, this was key). Writers have to seriously consider what “genre” of literature they wish to pursue for the ages. It requires thought. Focused thought. Some people have this little gem of insight: “Just sit down. Write. Let the words flow.” Oh, boy. To that, I say a great big, fat, “horse shit.” Put in the thought. Get it figured out…There will come an illustrious time when you’ll heave a sigh of relief and say, “Ahhhhhh, now it all makes sense.” At a point, a writer simply “knows.” This moment is truly one of life’s most brilliant.

PHASE THREE: After you put in the thought and have your path chartered, then you must sit down and write. Oh, and sooooooooo much more easily said than done! This is the thing that very few “get” about writing: You have to force yourself to sit down, daily, regardless of what’s going on in life. Writers must consistently make time to sit down, look at a blank page and fill it up with interesting, concise, strings of words. Now, doesn’t that sound like a blast?! (Oh, please). Writing is a fascinating, almost impossible paradox. Writers are inventing and creating an impossible dream in the moment, that is, by all accounts, already manifesting itself into the future…Writers must put off what they want in the NOW—to get what they so fervently desire LATER. It’s an extreme exercise in patience, temperance and trust. It is difficult to explain and nearly impossible to do. Quite frankly, it’s stunning anything gets created in this world.

My greatest struggle is that I am, by nature, a curious, social person. I’d much rather be out and about meeting people, doing interesting things, and LIVING life, than sitting at a desk, writing about it. But, then you must ask yourself: What the hell is the point in all the “living” if we’re not working on a means to share all of our experience, knowledge and wisdom with the world?

At a point, thankfully, I got so sick and tired of thinking and talking about it–that my motivation finally exceeded my aversion. This is the sweet spot in life. This is when shit gets done. And, look, let’s be realistic, there are times in life when writing isn’t exactly an “optimal” occupation. We have bills to pay. We have to be in a frame of mind to write. We have to be mentally, spiritually, emotionally ready to give up “life as we know it” to go for life as we desire it. Hey, trust me, if life was as simple as marrying a rich dude, living on the beach, writing books and throwing down bonbons in a state of virtual bliss–I would’ve done it eons ago!…But, that isn’t the reality of life. And, if it was, then I would be writing an entirely different book.

Writing is the soul’s way of expressing itself. It is clear to me that some people do not feel they are fully alive if they are not, somehow, creating and expressing themselves…And, therein, lies the impulse to write.

The highly personal, unique process of writing succinctly boils down to three things: Thought, focus and action. Moreover, we have to trust ourselves and the divine timing of our lives. When the fire is lit, when your soul is on fire, there is truly no stopping. Writing is a form of divinely guided, universal magic.

Blogging’s good for the soul

February 5, 2016June 21, 2020 / chesleydohl / 1 Comment

Let’s face it, some days you want to relax the mind, laugh and give the spirit a breather. Today is one of those days. So, here are some quick, relatively effortless, easy-reading thoughts on blogging and our creative side…

1). Blogging for wellbeing: I didn’t start blogging to make a living (although it’s an option). I started my blog because I enjoy the process of writing. In fact, in one form or another, I’ve been writing my entire life. It all began with a diary I received for my 6th birthday. From there, it snowballed; I became a journalist and continued journaling, longhand, well into my thirties. Finally, I decided to elevate the experience and start this blog. At first, it was scary to publish my thoughts (sans editor) but, thanks to a journalism background, the stretch wasn’t too vast. The thing is this: If you have something to say, you might as well get it out there. Why not? It’s a rush. It’s an adventure. It’s therapeutic and cathartic, all in one. Funny thing is, even when we don’t think we have anything to say, we do —trust me. We all have something to say. Expression is of dire importance to our mental, spiritual and emotional wellbeing.

2). Blogging as a creative process: We all have a creative side, we simply neglect it. In the rush of life, we get so wrapped up in careers and churning a buck that we forget life is meant to be fun. Creating is fun! Once you get past the aversion of creating, on the other side, there lies a rejuvenating, blissful existence. First, we must prioritize time to record our thoughts. Journaling is a great start. It charts a path of life’s events as they unfold and vividly creates a picture as to who we are, where we’ve been and where we’re going. Journaling allows us the opportunity to reflect and witness, firsthand, our progression as human beings. Blogging, journaling and even letter writing benefit the human spirit in countless ways. Writing is an expression of the deepest self. A self that is often forgotten, repressed and depressed…Let that baby out. Let your light, shine!

3). Blogging as a healthy hobby: The mental, emotional and spiritual benefits of writing were already mentioned. Well, here’s something to think about: Blogging is a healthy hobby that has the ability to positively impact our physical health. Instead of going out to the bar to drink, how about staying at home to write? Sounds like hell, right? HA! I used to think the same, but, today, writing is essential to my everyday life and happiness. I’d have it no other way. It’s a lifestyle shift. Writing is an extension of the self. In fact, when I’m not writing, I sense something is missing…When I go consecutive days without writing, I feel heavier in spirit, almost depressed. I’ve come to think that when I’m not expressing myself, I am literally repressing my soul. Sounds kooky, but for someone like me –it only makes logical sense. Writing uplifts the spirit because we are accomplishing that which we set out to do. If you want to feel empowered–be accountable to yourself. When we complete projects we feel good about ourselves. Writing boosts confidence and self-esteem. Writing also has the uncanny ability to increase self awareness. There are times when I’ll start writing, and things I’d never fathomed, prior, come spilling out…Writing is an amazing exercise in unleashing human potential.

“The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves.”-C.G. Jung

CONSIDER YOURSELF FORWARNED: When I’m President, I will rival our current leader by signing a mandatory executive order that will require every United States citizen to maintain an on-going, daily, journal. You heard me. (Suffer). It doesn’t matter if a person plinks away at a keyboard or sits down with pen and paper–people need to write! When we use our creative side we are forced to express our truest thoughts. Our most vulnerable selves. It’s invaluable therapy for the human spirit. The soul basks in creativity.

Haters gonna hate…ahhh, whatever

February 3, 2016June 21, 2020 / chesleydohl / 3 Comments

I have issues with the self-indulgent notion, “haters gonna hate.” Who came up with this BS, anyway? My issues with the statement are fairly straight-forward and somewhat sordid, so let’s get started:

Why do people believe they’re worth the time in the first place? This is directed at the people who “think” they have haters. Why in the world would anyone spend precious time and energy “hating?” Please. You’re full of yourself. Get over it. Some human beings have lives. A TRUTH: If you have it together and you’re moving forward in life, you don’t have time or energy to pay attention to the so-called “haters.” If you “think” you have haters, odds are high you possess either an exaggerated idea of your own self-worth, or a seriously maligned self-image. (Neither of which are good). “Haters gonna hate” is one of the lamest statements of the 21st Century and it’s representative of an insecure, victim-oriented, shallow social construct. Get a grip. You’re not that important.

What are you doing with your life to produce haters? Why would a person have haters in the first place? Seriously. This question demands your thought. If your life is worth a damn people will be emulating you, not hating on you. Role models who radiate good energy don’t walk around complaining about haters. Ever notice that? Kinda funny, when you think about it. Ask yourself what your life is about. Do you dig on drama? Do you require attention to feel validated? Here’s an idea for you to chew on: If you feel you are hated–there’s probably a very good reason for it. Get your life together, mind your own business, and the haters will cease to exist…Give it a shot. You’ll be shocked how well this life strategy works.

Celebrities and politicians build empires on this mediocre mindset: Sadly, there is an audience for everything. (Please, read that, twice). The “haters gonna hate” mentality gained momentum when overrated celebrities began to propagate it. Manipulative and parasitic individuals (like the Kardashians and Kanye to name a few) prey on average mindsets to validate and extenuate their very existence. It’s a brilliant way to churn a buck and certainly it keeps the ego fat and happy. Now, if your level of consciousness is anywhere above sea level, you’ll quickly recognize this as socially irresponsible behavior. On the other and, if you choose to follow and support these useless characters, then truly, the joke is on you. You are being exploited because you haven’t the wherewithal to put it together…Food for thought: Do you hear George Clooney walking around blaming his issues on haters? Do you hear Oprah Winfrey complaining about haters? No, you don’t. Know why? Because they cater to an audience that is intelligent, mentally aware, awake and wise. Believe it.

Please consider drop-kicking your ego: If you have seriously uttered the words, “haters gonna hate” your soul could use overtime and your ego needs a pay cut. Do yourself a favor: Stop comparing yourself to others. Focus on the development of your own life, goals and spirit. In doing so, you couldn’t possibly have spare time to consider the highly unlikely notion you have haters. Fragile egos need constant attention and validation. If you think you have haters, you’re dealing with a highly inflated ego; low self-worth; zero to negative self-esteem; self-image issues; and undoubtedly an average mindset. Please consider taking a hike. Stay out there as long as you like. You will not be missed by this struggling society. Thank you, in advance.

Pointing out a societal issue doesn’t make you a “hater” it makes you observant: Those of us who take the time and consideration to point out all this idiocy are often labeled haters by the lameos who buy into all the drama in the first place. I’d be offended if I didn’t find it so mind-boggling and simultaneously amusing. The people who can’t see through all the mediocrity are the individuals society needs to worry about–and they’re everywhere. For the record: Commenting on social behavior doesn’t make a person a hater, it makes a person genuinely concerned and passionate about the welfare of his/her fellow man. (What a novel concept). If I may be so bold: Pardon me, for giving a crap about the mediocre mainstream mentality that exists in this country…Why it’s so obvious to some of us, while others flounder with it, I will never know. (Blows my mind).

Here’s an idea worth latching onto:

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”-Albert Einstein

The bottom line: If you’re living a meaningful life, you will have your fair share of “haters.” It comes with the territory. Yes, there will be all sorts of ball-less wonders who wish they could do what you’re doing. People will wish they could get out of their comfort zones. People will want to walk a mile in your brand-spankin-new Nikes. But if you’re doing the right thing and living a soulful, self-respecting life–then kindly do yourself a favor and remain oblivious to the naysayers. Be like the great Buddha and carry on. Do your thing. Accept the bad with the good. Time and energy are precious…This is a healthy mindset.

Think out of the box to escape it

February 2, 2016June 21, 2020 / chesleydohl / 4 Comments

Not sure how or why, but I may have been born climbing out of the box. I’m a little bit different. I don’t try to be. I am. My mind works at a different pace: I get the “surface” stuff in a flash and I’m immediately working on the next level. I get impatient with the obvious. I can’t stand ego-stroking, game-playing and the trite tit-for-tat nonsense of the 21st Century. What a waste of precious time and energy.

Free thinkers have a different row to hoe. It’s not a good thing or a bad thing. It. Just. Is. At a point, the free thinker learns to accept it and embrace it. How are free thinkers born? I’m not certain, but I believe it has to do with a distinctive energy, environment and mindset from an early age.

Let’s elevate the conversation a little, shall we? Some out of the box thinking:

When I was in kindergarten, my Dad (thank you, Dad) decided that there would be no television in the house. No kidding. The TV went away. I think it was originally placed on a closet shelf, but that didn’t do the trick. Eventually, it found a home at the dump. Initially, it was a fairly dramatic experience, like a death in the family. In fact, I’m pretty sure I experienced withdrawal at age 5. (Highly overrated). Here’s the point: When you are five and there’s no television around, you learn to entertain yourself. You read. You go outside. You draw. You talk to people. You play the piano. You explore life. You ARE your life. Every day is an out of the box experience. You create your own magic. You have no choice: Either you create adventures or you die of boredom. I can’t stand boredom. Living in small town Kansas, I was figuring out ways to engage in life, early. Thus, my entry into the life of free-thinkerdome:

If you can’t think out of the box, you can’t climb out of the box.

Classmates thought it was weird that we didn’t have a TV at home. At first, even I thought it was weird. Being the only person in my class, and the whole town, basically, who didn’t have a TV? Something was definitely “off.” But, you know what? At a point, it all “clicked” and I realized that not only was it weird, but it was a freaking awesome! Blessed beyond belief.

By junior high school, I was cool with the whole situation. I had developed a sense of self, already. I wasn’t being entertained by a box on a regular basis. At an early age, I was living, not existing. In doing so, I was becoming self-actualized at a rapid pace.

I remember the time a new kid came to town and joined our class. The hot topic of conversation was MTV. I was oblivious to the matter at hand and quite frankly, couldn’t have cared less. But, this kid was beside himself about the whole situation. “No TV?! What’s wrong with you?…Do you realize what you’re missing out on?!“…Uhhhhh? No, thanks. I was un-fazed.

When asked “why” we didn’t have a television, I dead-panned: “It’s against our religion.”

I don’t know, it sounded good. I thought it was funny. And, of course it didn’t go against “our religion.” A basic philosophy I’d adopted by age 14:

“Thou shalt not watch TV. Don’t sit on your ass and be entertained. Get out and live life.”

Starting in grade school, I read a book or five a week. In junior high, this elevated to thicker books and more of them. In high school, same thing. I was a voracious reader. The cool thing about books is that they’re a form of software for the mind. When I wasn’t reading or playing sports, I was interacting with people. I have always loved a lively, interactive conversation; laughter is the best medicine; an exchange of ideas; learning new things. I live for these moments.

The more I’ve grown, evolved and discovered about myself and life, the more certain I am that the scariest place to be stuck is inside the box. I can’t imagine looking to everyone else to set the tone and the pace; everyone else to tell me what to wear; everyone else to dictate how much make-up to put on; everyone else to tell me when I can laugh; everyone else to tell me what to speak about; everyone else to tell me how to be a woman; everyone else to tell me what to believe in; everyone else to give me permission. Sounds like my idea of hell. A little, safe haven where you are rarely challenged and continually “safe” provides no room to explore and grow. Sound familiar?

Conversely, as a free-thinker, you go through life feeling very much like you’re on your own. You rarely feel understood. And, you often doubt yourself…On a (blue-sky-out-of-the-box) bright note, you learn to trust yourself. You learn to observe life and listen to others. With every trial and tribulation, you glean stockpiles of insight which instills a tremendous sense of inner strength, wisdom, patience and persistence. You trust your own intuition–not the “norms” established by society.

Being an out of the box, free thinker can be a damn nightmare. But, mostly, it’s a beautiful existence. You get to choose.

Career paths, passion and finding your purpose

February 1, 2016June 21, 2020 / chesleydohl / Leave a comment

We’ve all had our fair share of interesting experiences in life. Please read “interesting” in this sentence to mean, “horrible, awful, no-good, nightmarish debacles that lead to mental, spiritual and emotional maturity.” When we go through difficult phases, we have two choices: We can wilt and give up. Or, we can pull ourselves together, accept the temporary suffering, and, boldly, move forward.

Oh, so many “interesting” stories to tell…Many of mine happen to revolve around career:

My LinkedIn account is fairly standard. You will find seven or eight positions within a 17-year span. (Fairly standard, for a journalism major, turned sales and marketing director). Here’s the full monty, with regard to my resume: Tack on another 50 jobs, and you’ll have the full breadth of my work experience. In my lifetime, I’ve done virtually everything under the sun, once or twice.

One summer, I helped build a bridge. Literally. I worked on a bridge crew as a 21-year-old. I lost 15 lbs. that summer, working from 6am -6pm. Another summer, I sold books, door-to-door, in Ohio. (I kid you not). One holiday season, I worked retail at a Kansas City shopping mall. (Just one of the reasons why I abhor Black Friday). I worked as a counselor at a home for challenged teenage girls when I was 23-years-old. I taught speech and debate at a California academy. I have been a full-time, live-in, nanny. I waited tables at Applebee’s in college. I served as the sports writer for one of America’s top college basketball teams. I then became a sports columnist. Afterward, a page-one feature writer. Later, an advertising executive. I’ve worked at several start-ups and a few major corporations. I’ve been an apartment manager, a health supplement distributor and an administrative assistant. Let’s put it this way: My experience is not average. I have seen it all and I have insights and perspective far beyond the average, everyday, working American.

“Invent yourself and then reinvent yourself…Stay out of the clutches of mediocrity. -Bukowski

Why is my work experience so varied and deep? Well, mainly, because I’m a curious, no-fear kind of person. I’m a hard worker and when I put my mind to something, I get results. If I have an interest in it and I can prove my worth–why not? Who’s stopping me?

The upside to this way of thinking:

The upside, is that I have been learning my entire life. I’ve been constantly reinventing myself. Every new experience creates a wealth of knowledge and insight on work ethic, personalities, organizational dynamics, industries, environments, leadership styles, insecurities, motivations, expectations, attitude, etc. It’s been fascinating. It’s a blessing…

Now, for the downside: Naturally, there are multiple reasons why losing your job unexpectedly; changing companies to maintain sanity; working at unstable start-ups and being a naturally curious, authentic human being can skew enthusiasm for the workplace:

Lack of purpose and passion: It’s difficult to find “your place.” Few companies ever seemed like home. And, when they did, it was because of the amazing, funny, supportive set of human beings around me. Otherwise, from an actual point of passion and purpose –not at all. And, the one time, I felt I had found a place where I was perfectly suited, I didn’t get to do the job that was originally described (which happens with obscene regularity). Such is work life. Carry on…
You begin to doubt yourself: You begin to wonder if maybe you really are difficult to work with. Maybe, just maybe, you really do suck at your job. Hmmmm? But, no. You analyze your numbers and recognize that you’re breaking records. You’re passionate about your clients. You’re signing more accounts than multiple sales reps, combined. You’re doing the job of three people, not one. You’re admired by your peers. Your inventing new processes. You’re being nominated for most valuable employee. You’re reminding your boss to do things…(Somebody’s gotta do it). When you look at it objectively, you begin to realize that maybe you lost your job not because you suck–but, perhaps, it was because you didn’t suck enough.
Your finances can take a hit: Stability in life? What’s that? It’s hard to find a truly “zen” quality of life, when you’re landing a new job every other year. Moreover, your finances can take a beating if you aren’t continually balancing your budget. It becomes draining. (But, in a round-about way, it’s exciting).
You learn it’s all about BS politics, not talent: Entrenched in the working world, you learn a lot about everything under the sun: Politics; leadership styles; the fragile ego; when to give and when to take; how to temper your work ethic and manage your attitude. (Yes, sometimes, it’s best to GNF). Most of all, you learn about yourself. etc. Anyone who wants to work in today’s corporate world must learn to “play the game.” It’s a racket. Quite frankly, I never made time for it. I was too busy doing my job. You know, accomplishing things; attending to client needs; managing time, effectively…What a waste of energy and brain power we put into appeasing egos. Forget it. Officially, I’m out.

At the end of each day, you get to choose: Always choose happiness.

Today, I’m writing. I’m taking classes to become a certified life and health coach. And, I’m collaborating with a friend to develop a holistic marketing partnership. This is different. I’m passionate about what I’m doing. My life experiences are culminating in the book I’m currently writing…Not to mention, I have ideas for 10 + additional books (a conservative estimate). Will it be easy? No. Will it be fun? Yes.

Which brings me full circle to, roughly, 2005:

After suddenly losing a sales/marketing position (for no apparent reason, which was par for the course), I vividly remember driving through The Plaza in Kansas City with my friend, Collette, and breaking the news: She looked at me, her mouth agape, as if to say, “Unbelievable. How does this happen to you, Chesley?” Collette, a career woman, who knew me as level-headed and bright, always listened with great interest to my job adventures, and provided me with great advice. As we discussed the latest mayhem, she shook her head and said something I’ll never forget: “Everything that’s happening–it will make sense someday. Maybe it’s something you’re meant to write about.”

Yes. Some things, you simply cannot explain in career, relationship and life. It happens. You accept it. Move on. Don’t think about it too much. Don’t second-guess your talents, strengths and abilities. Trust your voice. The universe is in the business of presenting us with small miracles, daily, to open our eyes. We simply have to slow down long enough to listen, understand and connect the dots. Everything happens for a reason and the answers come, all in due time.

I wouldn’t be doing what I am, today, were it not for a million little miracles directing me in another direction. For this I am eternally grateful. The universe truly works in mysterious ways. Embrace it. Go with the flow. Find your purpose. Embrace your passion. This is living.

Mindset: The grass isn’t always greener…

January 28, 2016June 21, 2020 / chesleydohl / 4 Comments

A couple days ago, walking down the street, I couldn’t help but notice the pristine hedge that aligned the sidewalk, perfectly. It was so shockingly flush, it called me to take a picture. Eventually I posted it to Instagram and labeled it “minimalist art.” I mean, look at that. Stunning! Thankfully, there were a number of people who saw the same, simple beauty. One of my friends quickly quipped, “The grass is always greener…(on the other side).”

For someone like me, whose mind runs a million miles per hour, the comment was perfect. In that moment, there was a direct correlation to everyday life. It’s my personal belief that the “grass is always greener” mindset differentiates the miserable people of the world–from the genuinely happy.

Let me explain:

I’m not sure how you operate, but I can honestly say that I have never, not even once in my life, looked at someone and thought, “I wish that was me.” (Unless you’re talking about the winner of the billion-dollar Powerball Jackpot a couple weeks ago. Yes, I wished that was me). As far as looking at another’s attributes and wishing that I was another human being? That I was walking a mile in someone else’s shoes? No. Not at all. It’s never happened. I’m not sure why this is, because I’m not overly stunning. I’m not overly talented. I’m not overly wealthy. I’m not overly fit. I’m not overly brilliant. I’m not overly funny. I’m not overly anything…I’m just perfectly me, and fairly well-rounded in a lot of areas. I’m consistent in each department. I have no complaints. Do you know why I’m fairly well-rounded in a lot of areas? It’s because I’ve applied myself my entire life. I’m not merely going through the motions. I’ve never half-assed anything. I am going through life with purpose. There has always been an end goal. For this reason, alone, I am well aware that I am an extremely blessed human being. In short form: I trust myself. I have patience. And I stay with my problems, longer.

I don’t know if this is the norm? I hope it is, but I’m doubtful. Which is why this is such an important topic to write about:

People who are focused on making their own way in life have no time to compare. There is no time to debate one’s place in life. There is no concern with what anyone else is doing. You know why? Because the doers are too busy taking care of business.

The grass is not greener on the other side. Never was. Never has been. It’s all in your head.

People invest valuable time and energy emulating others, following others, wishing they were others. What a waste of time. And, what an absolute energy suck! Could there be a worse existence? In light of social media, I would imagine this is likely the existence of over half the American population. We’ve become a weak, feeble minded, victim-oriented society entrenched in a “grass is always greener” mentality. This mindset has a direct correlation with our society’s general level of unhappiness. It’s tragic.

Imagine what would happen if we learned to invest precious time and energy in ourselves. Our own development. Our own souls. Wow! Imagine how evolved, mature, wise and successful we can become when immersed in personal growth. Life, at the base level, is about mastery of the self. Understanding and trusting ourselves cannot happen if we walk around wishing our burden was lighter. It cannot happen when we’re preoccupied with what others are doing and how they’re doing it. It cannot happen when we blame others for our lot in life.

Put your head down. Mind your own business. Focus on yourself. Get your own life in order and all the rest of the goodness life has to offer will follow. Your grass is the greenest. Trust me. Go water it.

Mindfulness in Layman Terms

January 25, 2016June 21, 2020 / chesleydohl / Leave a comment

Your body is present, but is your mind?

Four years ago, I was a different person. I was frantically running around, continually on the move, working several jobs. I couldn’t have worked any harder, faster or stronger if I tried. It was ridiculous. I was burning the candle at both ends and going nowhere, fast. So, it was amusing to me, when a friend of mine ever so casually said, “Hey, make sure you take time to smell the roses.” WHAT?! My initial thoughts went something like this: “Are you freaking nuts?!…Who’s got time for that? And, WTF are you even talking, about ‘smell the roses?'”

Quite frankly, I was annoyed by his comment, but I’m the type of person who listens and churns to understand. So, I did something about it. I made it a priority:

Today, I’m on another page in life. A complete paradigm shift. I have seen the light. I smell the roses, without trying. The saying, “Take time to smell the roses” is simply a more flowery way of saying: “Be mindful.” Or, as I have come to know it: Getting in touch with my soul.

In light of my experience and personal evolution, I feel a sense of social obligation to explain:

What it means to be mindful.
What if feels like.
Why it’s important.
What the benefits are, etc.

In layman terms, here is the best way to describe what mindfulness actually entails: When you catch yourself doing something ridiculous, or, even thinking something ridiculous (in a moment when your mind should be present) then ask yourself this: “WTH is going on here?” Seriously. Get in the habit of asking yourself questions. When we continually have a self-running dialogue with ourselves regarding the present moment, there is no way to avoid it.

Feeling nervous? Feeling anxious? Feeling horny? Feeling bored? Feeling unloved? Simply ask yourself, “Why do I feel this way?” We humans process a million emotions a day and the key to mindfulness is simply being aware of the trigger behind the feelings. When we are mindfully in the moment we’re able to pause and reflect. Reflection helps us to gain insight when it comes to understanding the “self.” A state of mindfulness is being in direct touch with your soul. Your soul knows what you need. Your ego hasn’t a clue.

What does it feel like to be mindful? When you’re in a “zen” place in life, the focus is almost continually on the present moment and it’s an unconscious state. It’s the way you are. It’s literally a state of being. There is virtually no stress. And, when you “feel” stress (because it is so rare) then you are acutely aware of it. You find yourself asking calm, effortless questions: Why do I feel this way? What is going on? Where is this pressure coming from? When you are mindful, you ARE your soul in action.

First, you think about mindfulness.

Then you act upon mindfulness.

Then you become mindfulness.

JUST BE.

A couple points on becoming more mindful:

1). It’s impossible to enjoy the present moment if you are a million miles away, focused on the future or the past. Look at it this way: What’s the point in being around people if you aren’t even, really, “there” to begin with?…Comprende? Maybe your work is over-taxing? Perhaps there’s stress raising the kids? Maybe the bills are piling up? Hell, maybe the fact that your entire net worth is wrapped up in the staggering stock market is eating away at your peace of mind? Whatever the case, it’s easy to feel torn in a million directions. It’s not healthy. This ongoing chaos needs your attention so you can live fully, and vibrantly in the present.

2). If you asked me what the key to mindfulness is, it’s found in four words: SIMPLIFY. AND. SLOW. DOWN. The more simplified the life, the more abundant the life. It’s a paradox. The more BS you have to deal with, the more mindless the life. If your priorities are wealth, travel, cars, clothing, drama, entertainment, nightlife, gossip, prestige, etc–inevitably the more manic the life. What is glamorized in our society as “success” is quite actually the opposite.

In the minds of rational, intelligent, sane people, success looks and sounds like this:

“I have plenty. Resources are abundant. I fear for nothing. I work toward my goals. I am relentless. I am limitless. I have vision. Life is in constant flow.”

The cool thing about mindfulness is that it creates an almost unflappable sense of peace within. There’s calm. Even when people “push your buttons” there is no rise. When you are in touch with your soul and relatively free of your ego, life is smooth sailing. There’s continual, recognition of what’s going on in one’s surroundings. Life is a thing of beauty.

I don’t think a person can “fake” mindfulness. It is something that either you ARE or you AREN’T…And, in this world where mindfulness is the hot commodity, if you can harness it, you’re golden.

Mindful individuals put conscious effort into actively practicing the following habits, until they simply become a way of being:

Trust love and practice vulnerability.
Accept and appreciate all living creatures.
Practice compassion, with others and yourself.
Forgive yourself of all mistakes. Forgive others.
See the good in everything and in every moment.
In the worst of moments, practice grace and humility.
Wake up grateful. Show and express gratitude for life.
Slow down and enjoy nature. It’s a beautiful world out there!
Breathe deeply. Be aware of the small things–every breath you take.

In 2016 may you strive for an “unflappable” mindset. Start with the everyday practices, listed above, so by year’s end, you’ll be in a constant state of grace. A state of being; an ethereal, higher vibration state, where everything and nothing can phase you.

ChezRepublic

Of the People. By the People. For the People.

Being Best