You’re an artist…your life is your art

/ chesleydohl / 7 Comments
life is art

Life isn’t difficult. We humans simply know how to make it difficult. In moments like these, a little perspective goes a loooooong way. How about this fresh way of thinking:

You’re an artist.

Your life is your art.

Create a masterpiece.

Wow! That’s the spirit! Now, you’re a kid staring at blank canvas…Where to, now?

Based on years of living, I’ve determined the obvious, yet incredibly elusive, place to begin: You gotta’ figure out what you ultimately desire out of life. What speaks to your soul? What makes your heart sing? What makes you jump out of bed every morning with a smile on your face?

HINT: Please don’t let your ultimate desire be a person. Please don’t let it be a house in Malibu. Oh boy, pursuing people and “things” is the easiest way to have your soul crushed in a hot second. People and things can be taken away in a merciless moment. Pursue that which is greater than a person or a thing–and pursue it, relentlessly. One of my favorite quotes by Albert Einstein: “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” 

Purpose. Meaning. Vocation…Don’t know? Trust me, I can relate. It took decades to figure out. Moreover, once you get the “plan” aligned, then you have to figure out how to make it happen. Truth be told, it’s not a piece of cake. Nobody said you should have it all figured out at age 30. Or, even 40…We’re all on our own path and time table. You have to trust your purpose and the timing of your life. Don’t let society, your parents, your friends, your boyfriend or your ego convince you to do something your heart’s not set on. You owe it to yourself to get it figured out. All in due time. Do some soul searching and convince yourself of what you truly desire. This is the only way you’ll ever learn to trust yourself. When you know what makes your heart sing (and you will know, when you know) you’ll have no problem committing to it. This goes for everything: Career, relationship, purpose, passion, lifestyle…

Once you know what you desire out of life, the opinions of others become 100% irrelevant, because you trust in yourself. This is the ultimate liberation.

It’s easy to get caught up in the meaningless details of life: Being understood; doing what everyone else is doing; feeling loved, other’s useless opinions; being popular; attention-seeking, etc. Guess what? All distractions. Once you figure out your mission in life, you float up to an entirely different level. Everything extraneous is out of sight, out of mind. Whole new world.

Oh, and here’s another caveat with regard to creating any great masterpiece: Continual growth. Reinvent yourself. Shake it up. A true masterpiece is continually fresh, challenging and exciting. We humans innately crave growth, novelty, new experiences and challenges. Truly one of life’s few healthy cravings.

Be happy. Be free. Stay focused. Your life is literally your work of art. It’s the mark you’re leaving on the world. What an adventure! No matter where you are on your path in life, begin creating a solid foundation, today. Once you get the base established, then you can begin building, onward and upward…CREATE!

Sometimes, sleep is the answer

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kitten sleeps on the back like a log

I’m not going to say anything profound, here. I’m just going to state the facts: Sleep is good. And, I love my sleep. In fact, I can’t remember a time in my life when sleep wasn’t appealing.

When I was growing up, I had a propensity to complain about being told it was “time for bed.” Oh, but once in my room, and under the covers, I never felt a bit out of place…It was always just a matter of getting there. In high school, after a rigorous day of school, extra-curricular events and athletics, sleep was a God send. Throughout college, the sleep schedule became a little haywire with new found freedom, studies, and social life. Post-college, sleep was priority 50. Now days, sleep is a simple luxury. When I can sleep in, I’m all over it. Quite frankly, it’s one of my favorite things to do (besides socializing, writing or working out). Sleep is my natural cure-all of choice.

Standing in the shower after my workout, last night, thoughts drifted to the following: “My God, I cannot even imagine what it must be like to be a mother up all night with a newborn baby…I’m about ready to die, here.” Strange the places the mind goes when you’re about ready to collapse. I purposefully stood there for a moment recounting the turn of events which delivered me to that state…(I gracefully reached the conclusion that I am getting old…but wise).

Your body is your temple.

Worship, daily.

Notes on sleep.

  • YOUR BODY KNOWS WHAT YOU NEED: We like to think 3 hours here, 5 hours there and 8 hours whenever we have “time” is an optimal plan. Not so. High levels of stress, emotional turmoil, physical exertion, etc. take a higher toll on the body. We need to adjust our sleep patterns, to accommodate what’s happening in life. Sometimes the body needs more time to repair itself. If you push yourself until the moment you snap, you could very well be heading towards a hot case of cancer. Sounds extreme, but it’s no joke. Bodies need breathers, like plant need water. Your body knows what you need. Listen to it.
  • SOCIAL MAYHEM TAKES A TOLL: There was a time in life, when I found few things more interesting and stimulating than going out; having 3-5 drinks; talking to my friends; meeting new people; laughing; seeing and being seen; dancing my ass off and then going home to pass out. I’m telling you, it was a blast and I would not change one thing. Been there. Done that. Thanks be to God, it’s no longer gratifying. I still love to socialize, but the late nights and the cocktails? No thanks. I’ll take bed at 11pm over a 2-3AM all-nighter, any day. (My body and mind thank me).
  • SLEEP = GRACEFUL AGING: For whatever reason, I’ve been regularly hearing, “My God, you’re like Benjamin Button. You look younger every time I see you.” For a woman of any age, it’s the ultimate compliment. But when you get to be a certain age, it becomes almost vital: “Oh, thank you! You just made my day,” I’ll say with a genuine smile. It’s a certain kind of bliss to look in the mirror and like not only what you see, but what you feel. We regain youthful energy and vibrance when we take care of ourselves, mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Be mindful about how you think and feel in body and soul. Our bodies and minds are our greatest gifts!
  • SLEEP = SOLITUDE: We all need time to be alone. We need time to be in our own heads. Alone time, before drifting into dreams, is an opportunity to listen to your soul. When we lay down to sleep we simply get to “be.” When we are asleep our deeper self is at work; dreams are churning and the subconscious mind is brewing. There’s a certain magic that unfolds when we’re sound asleep.

Oh, we humans are so hard on our bodies and souls. We like to say, “I’m strong enough. I can handle anything.” For the most part, this is true. We are strong. And, we can do anything we put our minds to. But, we have to know when to slow down. We have to listen to cues from the body and cues from the soul…Sometimes, sleep is the answer. Don’t be afraid to sleep. Unapologetically, embrace your sleep time.

When the hashtag #YearOfTheWhiteMan grabs your attention

/ chesleydohl / 8 Comments
year of whitey

I typically begin my morning with a little intellectual banter. I read the NY Times daily news brief and scroll through Twitter around 6am. This gets my brain clicking and allows me to “gauge” the overall pulse of the day. Quickly, I get all the current events, technology, politics and business news. And, if something sparks my interest, then I tweet about it. If nothing hits me, I go about my merry day. Here’s what “hit me” yesterday:

Scrolling through my feed a post caught my attention. “White culture can’t survive multiculturalism–only white supremacists think it can.” #YearOfTheWhiteMan

Hmmmmm? My thoughts on the subject went like this. I retweeted the quote and simply stated: “Good grief, isn’t this thinking unbelievably outdated? Let’s hope so.” #EmbraceYourFellowMan #Reality #Truth

So, I send that into Twitter land and the shit-storm ensued. When you take it upon yourself to post anything that has to do with black people, white people, racism, supremacy (and the like) the whack-jobs come filtering out of the woodwork. It’s truly fascinating and amusing–not to mention, highly disturbing. 

What immediately struck me was the hashtag, #YearOfTheWhiteMan. Now, just a minute. Year of the white man? Good lord, really? People were serious about this hashtag, and here I thought it was tongue-in-cheek humor. Apparently, it is a smart-ass homage to the hashtag #BlackLivesMatter.

People are getting all bent out of shape in this country, so let’s break it down. Sure, this nation has been led by a black President, whom I personally think has a chip on his should (yeah, I said it). And, no, I don’t think the past eight years have proved necessarily beneficial to our country. That said, it is what it is.

We have a reality to deal with. Our nation is a multicultural melting pot and it’s becoming more and more so with each passing day. Los Angeles is composed of most every race except white people. As a matter of fact, I feel strangely out of place when I walk into a venue with a high rate of caucasians, anymore, because it’s not the norm. When you live in a major metro like Los Angeles, you become accustomed to multiculturalism. On the other hand, when you live elsewhere (like, perhaps, the backwoods of Kentucky) this element of change might prove a little more unsettling.

We can embrace change or we can fight reality. We can post social commentary about “white supremacy” and electing a white President–or we can rise above, be solid role models and emulate what it means to be an American.

Personally, I think we all need to embrace what we have to work with and make the most of it. We’ve got no other choice.

Here’s what I can ascertain based on societal observations.

Patriotic Americans are concerned because the staunch conviction that created this country is being rapidly replaced by a nonchalant attitude. Pretty much “anything goes.” If it makes you happy–do it. Hedonism is the call of the day. Mediocre is the national norm, replacing exceptionalism. And, let’s face it, a nation cannot be exceptional– or even marginal–with an apathetic people at the base. Apathy is the greatest threat to this country’s very existence.

“White man” issues:

1). All but forgotten patriotism: I will be completely honest–and I will not apologize: I have friends of all types of ethnicities and not a single one of them, from what I can tell, possess half the patriotic fervor that I do. In my heart of hearts that bothers me. My grandfathers fought in wars. My Dad was a pilot in the Air Force. My brother was drafted for Operation Desert Storm. My other brother found himself in Germany guarding missiles. When you live in a country where your family–people you love and respect–fought and engaged to keep things safe and peaceful, then you truly give a crap. An emotional investment cannot be taught. Either you have it or you do not. People no longer respect the National Anthem. People don’t know the words to the Pledge of Allegiance. Call it short-sighted, call it opinionated, call it whatever you like, but here’s my take on it: If you don’t understand the basics about this nation; if you don’t respect how this country was founded; if you don’t like what this country is about–please go. You are not welcome here. You are not wanted. You are not needed, here. If you want to live here, you need to get with the patriotic program or you can go back home.

2. Pull your own weight: People come to this country to “pursue their dreams.” In other words, people come to America to make a buck. There is some misguided notion that “things are great” in America. In these consumer-driven, soulless times, it’s highly overrated. I don’t care what color you are, if you’re merely here to add to the already soulless population walking around robbing Peter to pay Paul; sucking off the teet of the U.S. Government –please go away. Develop a plan of action to take care of yourself. America isn’t about a free ride. So, whether you’ve been here for years, or you just moved in– white, black, red, yellow, or alien green it doesn’t matter–pull your own load or get the hell out. Thank you, very much.

3. Respect for yourself and others: If you’re a so called “white man” and you’re reading this, then set an example for others, would you please? How much is enough? If you have 4 homes, 6 cars and a yacht, isn’t it about time to help your fellow man? I am sickened by the level of greed and hypocrisy in this nation. When you live up in the penthouse, it’s time to send the elevator back down to help someone else reach the top. The mark of a life well-lived is not measured by what you own, it’s measured by the mark you leave on humanity.

On the other side of the coin, if you are less fortunate–no excuses. We were each placed on this planet with our own individual set of circumstances and burdens to bear. DEAL WITH IT. Blame will get you nowhere. It’s not “the white man’s fault.” We are living in the 21st Century and today is today–the past is irrelevant. When your attitude sucks, you suck. You can either choose to work on your individual set of circumstances, or you can miserably wallow in your own pain and suffering. Get busy living or get busy dying. You are responsible for your own outcome. This is the way the world works.

The sad part about today’s society is that everyone is living in fear. The “white man” feels that the United States is being diminished and destroyed by free-loaders who do not care, nor have the mental, emotional or spiritual capacity to care. The black man feels slighted because this country was built on the literal backs, and the blood, sweat and tears of his forefathers. On top of that, we have people of every race and creed known to mankind coming to live in the United States (legally and illegally) who are not personally invested in what’s going on in this country. The level of overall apathy has reached an all time high.

We live in strange times. Change is brewing. As a society, we can either embrace it and make the most of it, or we can continue to flounder. We must learn to communicate about what the hell is going on so we can understand one another. Understanding creates empathy and trust. We need to articulate our hopes, fears, and dreams. Hashtags like #BlackLivesMatter and #YearOfTheWhiteMan are asinine to the cause. Raise awareness? Awareness for what? Awareness for the fact that we all need to pull our heads out of our asses and start mindfully pulling our own load?…(I’m down with that train of thought)! If you have something worthy or thought-provoking to add to a conversation during these tumultuous times–speak up. If you do not, then keep your head down, mind your own business and keep your idiotic hashtags to yourself. We have serious issues to attend to in this country. Good day. #BeTheChange

Priorities: Mentor a child, save a pet

/ chesleydohl / Leave a comment

adopt a kid not a dogEver notice how everyone wants to go out and rescue a dog, but nobody wants to mentor a child? We hear so much about the inhumane treatment of pets, but what about the inhumane treatment of human beings? Everyone does realize they’re directly connected, right? In other words, if we made our nation’s youth a priority, then our nation’s pets would get the treatment they deserve. This is not a stretch. This is regular, everyday, common sense thinking.

I read a statistic from the U.S. Department of Justice stating that 293,000 children in the United States are at risk of becoming victims of sex trafficking. Good grief. Can you imagine? When people go through traumatic events they have little to zero chance of living emotionally, spiritually and mentally stable lives. They are absolutely screwed from the get-go. And, it’s a vicious cycle…If you are a messed-up kid, odds are high, you’re going to be a messed-up adult.

So, what does child abuse have to do with abused, neglected pets?…(is probably the next logical question):

First off, we have our priorities backwards. Let’s make it very clear: We have a people problem, first…A pet abuse problem, second. Why do we, consistently, get everything backwards in this country? It’s disheartening, to say the least.

We have multiple issues at hand:

First off, all too often we have people in this country having children who have absolutely no business having children. We literally have kids–who don’t have a clue about their own emotional, mental and spiritual growth–raising kids. How’s a child supposed to get a fair shake in this cruel world without a role model present in the home? It’s pitiful. And then people wonder why dogs get the hell kicked out of them?

No, I don’t have any kids but anyone who pays attention in life, can figure out most anything: For one thing, a lot of females have children because they have this romantic, misguided notion that a child will make them feel love, experience love and, in turn, BE love. IT’S HIGHLY FLAWED LOGIC. Raising children is no easy task. More often than not, parents feel fear, doubt, and guilt. The stress and pressure of raising a child is endless, which ultimately puts a child at risk.

Before you up and decide to “have a kid” –like it’s that easy–please put some serious consideration into it. You’ll be doing humanity, and dogmanity, an enormous favor.

Next logical question:

Socially, why do dogs take precedence over kids in this country? Of course, it’s because dogs are easier, lower-maintenance and consistently more snuggly. Dogs don’t grow up asking questions. They don’t cost as much. And, if they cause trouble they can be locked up, accessorized with a shock collar, or firmly told “NO.” Simple stuff. Few desire to expend effort. We like the easy route. The majority would prefer a snuggly dog with the sweet puppy dog eyes, over a child who needs continual love, continual support and continual guidance; who asks continual questions and needs continual answers–what raising a child is all about.

Taking this into consideration, if you don’t have a child–then you should see about getting a dog. Pets are good starter projects. If you screw up with a dog, the world isn’t over. If you screw up with a child, your life’s destined to be a nightmare. (Just the facts, ma’am).

I don’t know what the solution is. But, I think that awareness is 90% of the battle. People seem unaware that we have a people crisis in this country. Or, our population is aware, but people refuse to acknowledge reality. Why? Because it’s too “uncomfortable.” People don’t like to acknowledge the truth because the truth hurts. (WEAK).

Here is an everyday solution we can all partake in, to get matters prioritized:

Let’s look out for our fellow man, shall we? If you are “set” then help a family in need. Offer to carpool. Let neglected kids play at your house. If you notice a child is struggling and you have any ability to help, please do so. Smile. Say hello. The simplest, kind, gesture can make all the difference in a child’s life. Our nation’s youth need to know that there is goodness in the world. It’s often the little things that go the farthest.

Basically, it comes down to this: Pets would live in happy homes if happy, emotionally and mentally stable people populated the planet. But, that isn’t the case. People who abuse pets were once children who didn’t get the love and nurturing they needed. Let’s work on fixing the root of the issue. Throw a bone to a child, not a dog.

 

A quick Valentine’s Day attitude adjustment…

/ chesleydohl / Leave a comment

rising in love

On my way to the gym, tonight, whilst listening to Justin Bieber belt out “What do you mean?” I couldn’t help but notice the couple standing in heated discussion on the street corner: The chick was entrenched in red-faced, vein-popping hysterics, while her partner stood there, motionless and emotionless…Quite frankly, his body language uttered nothing more than a big, fat “F -YOU.” Jeesh. It was awkward and disheartening all at once. At any rate, the first thing that came to mind while observing this mayhem was: “Well, that whole ordeal’s gonna make for some crazy good make-up sex come Sunday…OR, they’ll both be hating life.” (You can’t have it both ways).

Don’t choose to marry the person you can live with. Choose to marry the person you can’t live without.

Yep, Sunday is Valentine’s Day. That most dreaded, Hallmark-oriented, consumer-driven day of the year…Or, so the notion goes. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. Let’s quickly visit the attitude behind this glorious day of love and gratitude to see if we can’t put a positive spin on it, shall we?

  1. IT’S A ONE DAY THING: Valentine’s Day is the ONE DAY out of the year, when we are required (yes, reminded and required) to bestow our loved ones with the behavior, love and affection they should be showered with 365-days-a-year. ONE day out of 365. Please, surely we can all muscle up the gumption to do something lovely one measly day a year? Let me repeat: ONE day a year. If that doesn’t put matters into perspective, then I don’t know what does.
  2. IT’S A PIECE OF CAKE: Valentine’s Day should be a piece of cake. (Literally, if you so choose): Buy your love a card. Buy some cake. Express your love in words, deeds or poems. Go out to dinner. Go all out and plan a vacay or a staycay. Do something crazy. Do nothing at all. Give each other a hug. Buy flowers…Whatever floats your boat. Really, it should be that easy. If you’re with the right person, then Valentine’s Day won’t be a drama-fest, a guilt trip or pressure-filled. It’s merely another day to love each other. Take a moment to tell each other how happy you are, that out of the billions of people who walk this planet, you miraculously found one another. It’s a beautiful thing. It’s a gift in and of itself. Remind one another of it and never let that all-important appreciation wane.
  3. HIGH MAINTENANCE IS OVERRATED: Who doesn’t want nice things? We all want nice things. But, if you’re stuck with one of those high maintenance types who demands a European vacation, a watch, flowers, bonbons and a tiara on Valentine’s day, then sorry, but you’ve chosen the wrong mate, mate. Next time around, choose someone who enjoys a good investment in the soul, not the ego…
  4. SINGLE ON VALENTINE’S DAY: A lot of people don’t have a love on Valentine’s Day. It’s happened to me more often than not. Thankfully, Valentine’s Day happens to be my birthday, so I’m fortunate to have never experienced a drab and dreary Valentine’s Day in my life. (The luck of the draw). The thing is this: Even if you don’t have an “official” love, you can still show affection to anyone and everyone in your life! Go to dinner with your friends. Call your Mom. Send your Dad a card. Give your sister some chocolates. Hug your dog. Valentine’s Day isn’t about you. Valentine’s Day is about love. Focus not on the love you’re getting, rather, focus on the love you’re giving. If you approach the holiday this way, you can’t go wrong.
  5. JUST LOVE EACH OTHER: Why do we make love so difficult? For heaven’s sake, if you care about someone, let them know. If they reciprocate your affection, great. If they don’t, then you know the timing is off or there’s no interest. It’s really that simple. Whatever the case, don’t complicate it. Accept and move along…The universe has an interesting way of working things out.

Valentine’s Day, in my opinion, is one of the most lovely days of the year. It is simply a day to focus on love. Love yourself. Love your love. Love your family. Love your friends. Love your dog. I don’t care what you love, just choose love.

 

 

The writing process…(it’s personal and unique)

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i am writing


“What’s it like to write a book?” is the question that was recently posed to me. It’s a great question and it deserves a great answer. The short answer was simply to say, “Hmmmm? It’s definitely a process…”

Writing is a process. A highly personal, unique, process. 

With regard to my own route to writing: I haven’t read any books about writing books. I’ve never interviewed another author to learn about an approach. I’ve never sat down over coffee to discuss organizational tactics. I didn’t join a writing group…Why would I? I’m 100% certain I’m not a “formula” girl. I’m not comfortable taking another’s “canned” ideas and molding them into my own. That would be the ultimate frustration. I’d much rather start with a clean slate.

I’m of the belief that the act of writing is a different process for each of us, because we each possess a different creative mind. We each have varied habits, motivations, traits and optimal ways of learning and doing. So, naturally, it only makes sense that the writing process will be distinct to each of us…As we explore the writing process, we’re able to determine our strengths and harness them as we create. When we trust ourselves; when we follow our own creative intuition–this is the stuff of sheer genius.

That’s the “big picture” take on the writing process. Here’s more detail:

PHASE ONE:  My own writing process began with thought: Continually observing, thinking, connecting dots and churning ideas. It wasn’t regular, everyday thought, either. It was a deep, never-ending, semi-annoying thought that persisted. Quite frankly, it became a freaking nightmare. At this stage in the game, you know you are destined to write a book because there’s no escaping it. It actually becomes a part of your very essence. It’s as if your very soul seeks closure. Based on my limited experience, but fairly keen insight, I believe that the initial “thought” phase is the most delicate, necessary, underrated part of the writing process. Because, in order to write ANYTHING you have to conceive it. You have to dream it. You have to imagine it. You have to envision in order to manifest. For me, this process took a concerted, diligent effort. In my opinion, this process truly differentiates the greats…

Never give up on something you can’t go a day without thinking about. -Winston Churchill

PHASE TWO: The mandatory “thinking part” gets all the dots connected, and ultimately provides the confidence to write the book. Now, you have to focus and chart a course of action…What are you writing about, exactly? What style of writing will you use? Who is your audience? Are you passionate enough about your subject matter that you will be able to write thousands of words without becoming bored to tears (for me, this was key). Writers have to seriously consider what “genre” of literature they wish to pursue for the ages. It requires thought. Focused thought. Some people have this little gem of insight: “Just sit down. Write. Let the words flow.” Oh, boy. To that, I say a great big, fat, “horse shit.” Put in the thought. Get it figured out…There will come an illustrious time when you’ll heave a sigh of relief and say, “Ahhhhhh, now it all makes sense.” At a point, a writer simply “knows.” This moment is truly one of life’s most brilliant.

PHASE THREE: After you put in the thought and have your path chartered, then you must sit down and write. Oh, and sooooooooo much more easily said than done! This is the thing that very few “get” about writing: You have to force yourself to sit down, daily, regardless of what’s going on in life. Writers must consistently make time to sit down, look at a blank page and fill it up with interesting, concise, strings of words. Now, doesn’t that sound like a blast?! (Oh, please). Writing is a fascinating, almost impossible paradox. Writers are inventing and creating an impossible dream in the moment, that is, by all accounts, already manifesting itself into the future…Writers must put off what they want in the NOW—to get what they so fervently desire LATER. It’s an extreme exercise in patience, temperance and trust. It is difficult to explain and nearly impossible to do. Quite frankly, it’s stunning anything gets created in this world.

My greatest struggle is that I am, by nature, a curious, social person. I’d much rather be out and about meeting people, doing interesting things, and LIVING life, than sitting at a desk, writing about it. But, then you must ask yourself: What the hell is the point in all the “living” if we’re not working on a means to share all of our experience, knowledge and wisdom with the world? 

At a point, thankfully, I got so sick and tired of thinking and talking about it–that my motivation finally exceeded my aversion. This is the sweet spot in life. This is when shit gets done. And, look, let’s be realistic, there are times in life when writing isn’t exactly an “optimal” occupation. We have bills to pay. We have to be in a frame of mind to write. We have to be mentally, spiritually, emotionally ready to give up “life as we know it” to go for life as we desire it. Hey, trust me, if life was as simple as marrying a rich dude, living on the beach, writing books and throwing down bonbons in a state of virtual bliss–I would’ve done it eons ago!…But, that isn’t the reality of life. And, if it was, then I would be writing an entirely different book.

Writing is the soul’s way of expressing itself. It is clear to me that some people do not feel they are fully alive if they are not, somehow, creating and expressing themselves…And, therein, lies the impulse to write.  

The highly personal, unique process of writing succinctly boils down to three things: Thought, focus and action. Moreover, we have to trust ourselves and the divine timing of our lives. When the fire is lit, when your soul is on fire, there is truly no stopping. Writing is a form of divinely guided, universal magic.

 

 

 

 

A Kansas girl’s take on racism, attitude, and the stories that shape our lives

/ chesleydohl / Leave a comment

wizard of oz

 

I grew up in small-town Kansas surrounded by people solely of the caucasian persuasion. Now, I live in Los Angeles, surrounded by every size, shape and color of human being known to mankind. As stereotypes go, I often hear the statement, “Dorothy, you’re not in Kansas, anymore.” (I tolerate it). Although the wheat fields of Kansas provided a solid foundation, my perspective has continually evolved with each new adventure and experience–and I’ve had a few of them…

Which brings me to the issue of racism. We hear stories about racism and discrimination on a daily basis. The media continually throws “racism” in our faces making it the ultimate cancer. It’s not a cancer. In fact, race and diversity are beautiful things. It is my belief that few have an issue with race, itself. The issue is attitude towards race. People live in constant fear…It shouldn’t be this way.

There is a healthy attitude to be had with regard to race. I don’t know if my perspective is typical, but I believe it’s optimal, so I feel an obligation to share:

First off, I was blessed to be born into a family that didn’t acknowledge race. Not at all. To me, it was foreign. “People are people and everyone’s treated the same.”  It wasn’t discussed. Instead, appropriate behavior was role-modeled by the adults in my life.

It truly takes a village:

My Dad, a college athlete, had a black roommate. I remember hearing a story about how he allowed his roommate to borrow his car for a long, overnight drive, northbound. (Never an issue and continually gracious)…My grandfather served in the Army during World War 2. His comrades were African-American and he spoke highly of his fellow soldiers…When I was a 4th grader, my aunt and uncle became foster parents to two black kids named Cedric and Lamar…My aunt had a best friend named Diane, who was African-American. Cedric, Lamar and Diane were family. We loved them and looked forward to seeing them every time they came to visit the farm in Kansas. Often, I thank God for these positive, life-affirming experiences.

“You are the sum total of everything you’ve ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot–it’s all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive.”-Maya Angelou

If you are truly living life–not merely existing within a safe shell created by the walls you have built for yourself–then with every positive experience, typically, there lies a negative to counter. (Balance). I’m not going to share every story in detail (this is only a partial list), but I will relay a few of my own, race-related, life experiences:

  1. When I was a freshman in college, whist walking to my car, minding my business, a group of 5-6 black athletes harassed me and called me a “prejudice bitch” because I wouldn’t walk over to their dorm to partake in conversation. For the record: The situation was total cowardice and a shot at intimidation on their behalf. But, it didn’t work…I walked over, and engaged them in direct no-nonsense fashion. I remember stating, verbatim: “I didn’t have a prejudice bone in my body–but now I DO–thanks to YOU.” I went on my merry way. The result: They listened. They knew I was right. They never bothered me, again. In fact, they respected me and we all became friends. (Always call people out on their BS).
  2. My junior year of college, I became the The University of Kansas men’s football and basketball sports reporter. It was the Glen Mason/Roy Williams era, and both programs were experiencing stellar seasons. I attended press conferences; conducted individual interviews and sat on press row at games…I was also given the dubious honor of walking into the men’s locker rooms post-game. Women in the locker room was a major controversy at the time, for obvious reasons, and I would’ve happily opted out, but it was part of the job. Why do I relay this story? Because never, ever, not even once, did I have a negative experience with an athlete, the majority of which were African-American. Every athlete was exceedingly kind, courteous and respectful. This positive experience reaffirmed my faith in every race and personality known to mankind.
  3. Once upon a time, I parked my car outside a Kansas City Walgeens to purchase some packing tape. On the way in, I noticed a black dude who appeared to be strung-out on cocaine: Erratic, with bloodshot, “lit” eyes, he appeared to be talking to someone–although nobody was in sight. Upon exiting the store, I see this character walking around in front of the store, waving his hands in animated conversation, talking on MY cell phone, with MY gym bag slung across his shoulder. I. Shit. You. Not…Holy. Crap. I rushed to my car in a panic to make sure I wasn’t the crazy one. Sure enough, my car was empty. I walked straight up to the guy, yelled, “Are you fucking nuts?!” and ripped my phone out of his hand, simultaneously grabbing my gym bag. My adrenaline was pumping so hard, I could’ve flipped a car in that moment, had my life depended on it. He looked at me, shocked, and put his hand up, as if to shield a blow…I told him to get lost before I called the cops. He obliged. All’s well that ends well.
  4. A year later, while walking to my car in a dimly lit midtown grocery store parking lot, I was mugged. It was a black guy, dressed in black, wearing a stocking cap. He rapidly came out of nowhere, held something “metallic” under my rib cage and grabbed my purse. I yelled, “You mother fucker!” and let go. (Yes, when I am freaked-out, apparently the f-bomb is my go-to. I’m not proud of it, but it’s interesting how the mind works in moments of duress). He got away with $100 cash, but thankfully, obeyed my plea: He left my purse and all of its contents on the pavement, as he ran away. I was grateful for that–and my life. (Screw the cash. We can always make more).
  5. Against my better judgment, one time I picked-up a Westport transient who needed a ride, home, to the 60th and Holmes area (a rather “sketchy” neck of the woods, but I was feeling charitable and brave). Once we got there, he refused to get out of my car. Great. So, we had a nice chat about life–its trials and tribulations–and I reluctantly agreed to buy him a 40 oz. so we could, finally, go on our separate ways.
  6. My “real” biological sister, Lynn, and I dropped off my little sister, Shardae (I was a volunteer with Big Brother’s and Big Sisters of Greater Kansas City at the time), at her low-income housing project in Midtown, after watching a basketball game in downtown KC, one cold winter’s night. Whereupon, we find out Shardae’s family (single mother and siblings ) were facing eviction and had to be out of their apartment by midnight. Together, my sister and I carried a 350 lb. sofa (amongst other things) 500 yards, to another apartment, so they could retain some semblance of comfort. It was the right thing to do in the moment…Oh, the memories.
  7. The countless times I’ve had black people tell me, “I thought you were going to be a bitch– but you’re cool as hell.”  (Well, thank you)…
  8. The time I met a random black guy, at MillCreek park on the Plaza, on my regular evening run. We had a great conversation whist circling the loop. One of the prized pieces of life advice I got that evening went something like this: “Life is about decision-making. Let’s put it this way: If you had a bowl of shit on the left. And a bowl of vanilla ice cream on the right–which would you choose?”

Above, lies an honest account of some of the race-oriented experiences in my life. It’s a learning moment, so let me, quickly, highlight what happened in the weeks following the negative experiences:

First of all, without realizing it, I put up my guard. It was entirely a subconscious reaction, not a conscious behavior. I didn’t trust “black people.” It is that simple. I didn’t. I couldn’t. Instead of trusting, like I had, prior, every African-American I encountered, became suspect in my eyes. I wondered what their “agenda” was. I was leery. Sad but true. When we experience trauma, it affects our ability to see things rationally and objectively, free of judgment and emotion. Negative experiences threaten our very existence and happiness. What’s worse, negative, highly-emotional experiences often affect our life-view for the longterm. Ultimately, negative experiences prevent us from trusting. When we stop trusting–we are unable to love. We live in fear. If you look around at the world, this is the greatest problem facing mankind, today.

Thankfully, with time and effort, we are able to see situations for what they are. It takes time to heal. A positive attitude about life and the ability to see things, objectively, allows us to continually choose love over fear…again, and, again, and again, come what may.

On a positive note, life experiences provide valuable insight: I’m able to relate to the panic and despair one feels when being forced out of their home. I can relate to the fear and impossibility that our nation’s police force faces doing an unbelievably high-stress job in an often, war-like atmosphere. I know what it is like to be the object of reverse racism. I am aware of the desperation that exists for people who do not have the means to get home so they can sleep in their own beds at night…

The bottom line: Were it not for our emotions and propensity to live in fear, we would truly live in a calm, understanding, copacetic world. Life is nothing more than an endless series of experiences meant to teach us valuable lessons for continual growth. In my opinion, the key to a happy, well-lived life is found in the ability to walk away from life’s lessons free of judgement, fear and resentment. We do this by reflecting, evaluating, learning and practicing mindfulness en route to becoming our optimal selves. Attitude is everything. Continually ask yourself: “Why did that happen?” and then learn from it…This is the healthiest way to experience life and growth. Focus not on race. Focus on your role within the human race. Live and let live. 

 

 

 

 

Blogging’s good for the soul

/ chesleydohl / 1 Comment

blog thoughts

Let’s face it, some days you want to relax the mind, laugh and give the spirit a breather. Today is one of those days. So, here are some quick, relatively effortless, easy-reading thoughts on blogging and our creative side…

1). Blogging for wellbeing: I didn’t start blogging to make a living (although it’s an option). I started my blog because I enjoy the process of writing. In fact, in one form or another, I’ve been writing my entire life. It all began with a diary I received for my 6th birthday. From there, it snowballed; I became a journalist and continued journaling, longhand, well into my thirties. Finally, I decided to elevate the experience and start this blog. At first, it was scary to publish my thoughts (sans editor) but, thanks to a journalism background, the stretch wasn’t too vast. The thing is this: If you have something to say, you might as well get it out there. Why not? It’s a rush. It’s an adventure. It’s therapeutic and cathartic, all in one. Funny thing is, even when we don’t think we have anything to say, we do —trust me. We all have something to say. Expression is of dire importance to our mental, spiritual and emotional wellbeing.

2). Blogging as a creative process: We all have a creative side, we simply neglect it. In the rush of life, we get so wrapped up in careers and churning a buck that we forget life is meant to be fun. Creating is fun! Once you get past the aversion of creating, on the other side, there lies a rejuvenating, blissful existence. First, we must prioritize time to record our thoughts. Journaling is a great start. It charts a path of life’s events as they unfold and vividly creates a picture as to who we are, where we’ve been and where we’re going. Journaling allows us the opportunity to reflect and witness, firsthand, our progression as human beings. Blogging, journaling and even letter writing benefit the human spirit in countless ways. Writing is an expression of the deepest self. A self that is often forgotten, repressed and depressed…Let that baby out. Let your light, shine!

3). Blogging as a healthy hobby: The mental, emotional and spiritual benefits of writing were already mentioned. Well, here’s something to think about: Blogging is a healthy hobby that has the ability to positively impact our physical health. Instead of going out to the bar to drink, how about staying at home to write? Sounds like hell, right? HA! I used to think the same, but, today, writing is essential to my everyday life and happiness. I’d have it no other way. It’s a lifestyle shift. Writing is an extension of the self. In fact, when I’m not writing, I sense something is missing…When I go consecutive days without writing, I feel heavier in spirit, almost depressed. I’ve come to think that when I’m not expressing myself, I am literally repressing my soul. Sounds kooky, but for someone like me –it only makes logical sense. Writing uplifts the spirit because we are accomplishing that which we set out to do. If you want to feel empowered–be accountable to yourself. When we complete projects we feel good about ourselves. Writing boosts confidence and self-esteem. Writing also has the uncanny ability to increase self awareness. There are times when I’ll start writing, and things I’d never fathomed, prior, come spilling out…Writing is an amazing exercise in unleashing human potential.

“The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves.”-C.G. Jung

CONSIDER YOURSELF FORWARNED: When I’m President, I will rival our current leader by signing a mandatory executive order that will require every United States citizen to maintain an on-going, daily, journal. You heard me. (Suffer). It doesn’t matter if a person plinks away at a keyboard or sits down with pen and paper–people need to write! When we use our creative side we are forced to express our truest thoughts. Our most vulnerable selves. It’s invaluable therapy for the human spirit. The soul basks in creativity.

 

 

 

Haters gonna hate…ahhh, whatever

/ chesleydohl / 3 Comments

writers gonna write

I have issues with the self-indulgent notion, “haters gonna hate.” Who came up with this BS, anyway? My issues with the statement are fairly straight-forward and somewhat sordid, so let’s get started:

Why do people believe they’re worth the time in the first place? This is directed at the people who “think” they have haters. Why in the world would anyone spend precious time and energy “hating?” Please. You’re full of yourself. Get over it. Some human beings have lives. A TRUTH: If you have it together and you’re moving forward in life, you don’t have time or energy to pay attention to the so-called “haters.” If you “think” you have haters, odds are high you possess either an exaggerated idea of your own self-worth, or a seriously maligned self-image. (Neither of which are good). “Haters gonna hate” is one of the lamest statements of the 21st Century and it’s representative of an insecure, victim-oriented, shallow social construct. Get a grip. You’re not that important.

What are you doing with your life to produce haters? Why would a person have haters in the first place? Seriously. This question demands your thought. If your life is worth a damn people will be emulating you, not hating on you. Role models who radiate good energy don’t walk around complaining about haters. Ever notice that? Kinda funny, when you think about it. Ask yourself what your life is about. Do you dig on drama? Do you require attention to feel validated? Here’s an idea for you to chew on: If you feel you are hated–there’s probably a very good reason for it. Get your life together, mind your own business, and the haters will cease to exist…Give it a shot. You’ll be shocked how well this life strategy works.

Celebrities and politicians build empires on this mediocre mindset: Sadly, there is an audience for everything. (Please, read that, twice). The “haters gonna hate” mentality gained momentum when overrated celebrities began to propagate it. Manipulative and parasitic individuals (like the Kardashians and Kanye to name a few) prey on average mindsets to validate and extenuate their very existence. It’s a brilliant way to churn a buck and certainly it keeps the ego fat and happy. Now, if your level of consciousness is anywhere above sea level, you’ll quickly recognize this as socially irresponsible behavior. On the other and, if you choose to follow and support these useless characters, then truly, the joke is on you. You are being exploited because you haven’t the wherewithal to put it together…Food for thought: Do you hear George Clooney walking around blaming his issues on haters? Do you hear Oprah Winfrey complaining about haters? No, you don’t. Know why? Because they cater to an audience that is intelligent, mentally aware, awake and wise. Believe it. 

Please consider drop-kicking your ego: If you have seriously uttered the words, “haters gonna hate” your soul could use overtime and your ego needs a pay cut. Do yourself a favor: Stop comparing yourself to others. Focus on the development of your own life, goals and spirit. In doing so, you couldn’t possibly have spare time to consider the highly unlikely notion you have haters. Fragile egos need constant attention and validation. If you think you have haters, you’re dealing with a highly inflated ego; low self-worth; zero to negative self-esteem; self-image issues; and undoubtedly an average mindset. Please consider taking a hike. Stay out there as long as you like. You will not be missed by this struggling society. Thank you, in advance.

Pointing out a societal issue doesn’t make you a “hater” it makes you observant: Those of us who take the time and consideration to point out all this idiocy are often labeled haters by the lameos who buy into all the drama in the first place. I’d be offended if I didn’t find it so mind-boggling and simultaneously amusing. The people who can’t see through all the mediocrity are the individuals society needs to worry about–and they’re everywhere. For the record: Commenting on social behavior doesn’t make a person a hater, it makes a person genuinely concerned and passionate about the welfare of his/her fellow man. (What a novel concept). If I may be so bold: Pardon me, for giving a crap about the mediocre mainstream mentality that exists in this country…Why it’s so obvious to some of us, while others flounder with it, I will never know. (Blows my mind).

Here’s an idea worth latching onto:

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”-Albert Einstein

The bottom line: If you’re living a meaningful life, you will have your fair share of “haters.” It comes with the territory. Yes, there will be all sorts of ball-less wonders who wish they could do what you’re doing. People will wish they could get out of their comfort zones. People will want to walk a mile in your brand-spankin-new Nikes. But if you’re doing the right thing and living a soulful, self-respecting life–then kindly do yourself a favor and remain oblivious to the naysayers. Be like the great Buddha and carry on. Do your thing. Accept the bad with the good. Time and energy are precious…This is a healthy mindset. 

 

Think out of the box to escape it

/ chesleydohl / 4 Comments

out of the box

Not sure how or why, but I may have been born climbing out of the box. I’m a little bit different. I don’t try to be. I am. My mind works at a different pace: I get the “surface” stuff in a flash and I’m immediately working on the next level. I get impatient with the obvious. I can’t stand ego-stroking, game-playing and the trite tit-for-tat nonsense of the 21st Century. What a waste of precious time and energy.

Free thinkers have a different row to hoe. It’s not a good thing or a bad thing. It. Just. Is. At a point, the free thinker learns to accept it and embrace it. How are free thinkers born? I’m not certain, but I believe it has to do with a distinctive energy, environment and mindset from an early age.

Let’s elevate the conversation a little, shall we? Some out of the box thinking:

When I was in kindergarten, my Dad (thank you, Dad) decided that there would be no television in the house. No kidding. The TV went away. I think it was originally placed on a closet shelf, but that didn’t do the trick. Eventually, it found a home at the dump. Initially, it was a fairly dramatic experience, like a death in the family. In fact, I’m pretty sure I experienced withdrawal at age 5. (Highly overrated). Here’s the point: When you are five and there’s no television around, you learn to entertain yourself. You read. You go outside. You draw. You talk to people. You play the piano. You explore life. You ARE your life. Every day is an out of the box experience. You create your own magic. You have no choice: Either you create adventures or you die of boredom. I can’t stand boredom. Living in small town Kansas, I was figuring out ways to engage in life, early. Thus, my entry into the life of free-thinkerdome:

If you can’t think out of the box, you can’t climb out of the box.

Classmates thought it was weird that we didn’t have a TV at home. At first, even I thought it was weird. Being the only person in my class, and the whole town, basically, who didn’t have a TV? Something was definitely “off.” But, you know what? At a point, it all “clicked” and I realized that not only was it weird, but it was a freaking awesome! Blessed beyond belief.

By junior high school, I was cool with the whole situation. I had developed a sense of self, already. I wasn’t being entertained by a box on a regular basis. At an early age, I was living, not existing. In doing so, I was becoming self-actualized at a rapid pace.

I remember the time a new kid came to town and joined our class. The hot topic of conversation was MTV. I was oblivious to the matter at hand and quite frankly, couldn’t have cared less. But, this kid was beside himself about the whole situation. “No TV?! What’s wrong with you?…Do you realize what you’re missing out on?!“…Uhhhhh? No, thanks. I was un-fazed.

When asked “why” we didn’t have a television, I dead-panned: “It’s against our religion.”

I don’t know, it sounded good. I thought it was funny. And, of course it didn’t go against “our religion.” A basic philosophy I’d adopted by age 14:

“Thou shalt not watch TV. Don’t sit on your ass and be entertained. Get out and live life.”

Starting in grade school, I read a book or five a week. In junior high, this elevated to thicker books and more of them. In high school, same thing. I was a voracious reader. The cool thing about books is that they’re a form of software for the mind. When I wasn’t reading or playing sports, I was interacting with people. I have always loved a lively, interactive conversation; laughter is the best medicine; an exchange of ideas; learning new things. I live for these moments. 

The more I’ve grown, evolved and discovered about myself and life, the more certain I am that the scariest place to be stuck is inside the box. I can’t imagine looking to everyone else to set the tone and the pace; everyone else to tell me what to wear; everyone else to dictate how much make-up to put on; everyone else to tell me when I can laugh; everyone else to tell me what to speak about; everyone else to tell me how to be a woman; everyone else to tell me what to believe in; everyone else to give me permission. Sounds like my idea of hell. A little, safe haven where you are rarely challenged and continually “safe” provides no room to explore and grow. Sound familiar?

Conversely, as a free-thinker, you go through life feeling very much like you’re on your own. You rarely feel understood. And, you often doubt yourself…On a (blue-sky-out-of-the-box) bright note, you learn to trust yourself. You learn to observe life and listen to others. With every trial and tribulation, you glean stockpiles of insight which instills a tremendous sense of inner strength, wisdom, patience and persistence. You trust your own intuition–not the “norms” established by society.

Being an out of the box, free thinker can be a damn nightmare. But, mostly, it’s a beautiful existence. You get to choose.